I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT GIF FOR FUCKING EVER. I was like holy shit where the fuck is that gif of that girl twirling her spaghetti carbonara into a giant fucking ball and I FINALLY FUCKING FOUND IT.
Ugh, Tsukiko my child, how was I ever able to forget your precious lil face?
Anyway, nerds, today we’re gonna be making some delicious fucking spaghetti a la carbonara. I can already see y’all getting your wieners hard and your panties wet over this biz.
I don’t blame you, it’s fucking delicious, and the best part is YOU’RE going to learn how to make it. Which means that now during dinner with your parents, when they ask you what you prepared, you can fake up an italian accent and say, “ah yes, well, I cooked Spaghetti A La Carbonara, served with a side of Garlic Bread Rounds”
Even better news: the recipe calls for some cognac, so you can totally booze it up while cooking this bitch (I know I always do).
Spaghetti A La Carbonara (Henneko-style)
(servings: 6. I’d tell you that I wouldn’t blame you if you ate this shit by yourself, but I think if you did, you’d probably explode. That’s a shit ton of pasta holy balls)
adapted from: x
- 6 slices thick-cut bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces*
- 2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
- 2 Tbsp melted butter
- 3 cloves garlic, crushed
- 1/2 tsp minced fresh rosemary
- 1 pinch of cayenne (optional)
- 1/4 cup cognac (hollaaaaaaa)
- 12 oz spaghetti
- 3 large eggs
- 3/4 cups grated parmesan cheese (plus more for garnish)
- 1/2 cup grated pecorino romano
- 2 Tbsp chopped fresh scallions
- 1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley
- Freshly ground pepper
- Hold back tears while thinking about the fact that One True Best Girl Azusa lost the Yotobowl to fuckin Tsukiko. I mean Tsukiko’s like really cute but she’s not, like, Azusa….u feel me.
- Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Meanwhile, combine the bacon, olive oil, garlic, rosemary and 1/4 cup water in a large skillet on medium high heat.
- Stir the mixture occasionally, until water evaporates and the bacon crisps, which takes about 12 minutes. Discard the garlic.
- Add the cognac and cook until it evaporates. Remove from the heat and set aside 1/4 cup bacon mixture for garnish.
- Plop the spaghetti in the boiling water and cook it using whatever instructions are given to you on the label.
- Mix the eggs, butter, cheeses, parsley, scallions and 1 teaspoon pepper in a bowl. Drain dat pasta but reserve like 1/4 cup of the cooking water.
- Return the skillet to medium-high heat. Add the pasta and toss until heated through, which will take about 2 minutes. After that, remove it from the heat.
- Whisk the reserved pasta water into the egg mixture, then quickly pour over the pasta and toss to gently cook the eggs and make a creamy sauce.
- Garnish with the reserved bacon mixture and more parmesan. Serve with a side of Garlic Bread Rounds and a side of Roasted Garlic because garlic is beautiful and should be loved and cherished at all times.
AND WE’RE FUCKING DONE. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
TIME TO SIT WITH 6 SERVINGS OF DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI WHILE CRYING OVER THE FACT THAT YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT THIS WITH YOUR WAIFU TSUKIKO.
It’s okay, maybe if you try hard enough, your dakimura of her will be an alright substitute.
PEACE OUT WEEBS
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