OH SHIT GUESS WHO’S BACK!

ME

Anyway, I’ll be posting the winner of the logo and the art thing after this post, but first let’s talk about Shirokuma Cafe.

Jesus christ. How trippy is that anime. Talking animals but like on another level. And one recipe that came up at some point was this weird italian/japanese fusion called Spaghetti Napolitan. 

The original recipe, in my opinion, is sort of bland, but I spiced it and fancied it up a little and bam now it’s beautiful and worth my attention.

So get psyched nerds, we’re going to make a classic with a delightful twist.

~

Japanese Spaghetti Napolitan
(serves: 4, or just one lazy ass panda bear)

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Ingredients-

  • 12 oz spaghetti or linguini*
  • 5 jalapeño peppers
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 1 1/2 cup canola oil
  • 4 sausages*
  • 2 handfuls cremini mushrooms
  • 3 Tbsp shallots, minced
  • 8 cloves garlic
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 Tbsp butter
  • 1/2 cup ketchup
  • 2 Tbsp tonkatsu sauce
  • 1 Tbsp tomato paste
  • 1/4 cup heavy cream
  • 4 Tbsp parmesan cheese (plus more for garnish)
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 Tbsp flat leaf parsley, minced (plus more for garnish)

*If you don’t have a pasta maker, I recommend just buying it at a store, because the spaghetti needs to be consistent and thinner and that’s harder to do with just a knife tbh

*In my recipe, I used kobe beef franks, but you can use any sausage you want as long as it works well with the flavor. I recommend using sausages with more fat in it, for example a beef or a duck sausage. Chicken or turkey would be a bit too lean and it wouldn’t offer much flavor to the dish.

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Procedure-

  • Cry over the fact that you will never have a talking polar bear as a boss/coworker
  • Thinly slice the jalapeños until you reach the seeds. Set the slices aside. In a pan heated up to medium high heat, add the 8 cloves of garlic, and then add the olive oil and canola oil. Once the oil is up to 220 degrees and the garlic is translucent and almost browned, turn off the heat and let it steep for 30 minutes. Remove the garlic and then pour the hot oil onto the jalapeño slices in a metal pan/bowl so the oil won’t splash everywhere. Pour just enough to cover the jalapeños and then cool them in the fridge overnight. 
  • Boil the spaghetti according to instructions. Do this in salted water and add some olive oil to prevent sticking. Stir occasionally. 
  • Slice the sausages diagonally and pan fry them until they’re browned. Set them aside once they’re done. 
  • Slice the cremini mushrooms and add them onto the same pan the sausages were fried on. Add some butter and cook until softened and mildly browned. Add the minced shallots and garlic and cook till slightly browned. Drain the jalapeños, then place them in the pan and add a bit of the garlic oil for flavor.
  • In a small bowl, mix the tonkatsu, heavy cream, tomato paste and ketchup. It should taste like a creamy, sort of tangy tomato sauce. Season with some salt and pepper till it matches your preferences, and then set aside. 
  • Add the spaghetti and sausage and mix together till everything’s heated. Add a bit of the sauce until everything’s coated. You don’t have to add all the sauce because then that nonsense is gonna turn into soup.
  • Cook for about 3 minutes, then place in a bowl. Add the grated parmesan and parsley and season further with salt and pepper. Top with some more parmesan and parlsey and a little black pepper and call it a fuckin’ day.

~

Dang. How cool was that recipe?

The only answer I am expecting is SO COOL. 

IT’S LIKE A HYPED UP VERSION OF A JAPANESE CLASSIC WHICH IS BASICALLY A HYPED UP VERSION OF KETCHUP SPAGHETTI WITH HOT DOGS I SHIT YOU NOT.

But unlike my favorite childhood meal, this spaghetti dish won’t make you hate yourself afterwords, because all the ingredients are hella delicious, hella healthy, kinda unconventional, but pretty cool. Like holy shit you’re using poached peppers istg that’s fancy as hell.

SO YES. ENJOY THIS RECIPE. ENJOY IT HARD.

Later, nerds.

So who remembers their first anime obsession? Like that one show that you read fics for and shipped characters and like cried over and bought merch for and oh god

it’s all coming back to me. 

Anyway. That was Fullmetal Alchemist for me. Not like, Brotherhood, but the original Bones animation one. 

I blame this anime for my hellish decent into Weebdom. And so, in honor of this bullshit anime ruining my life, I am going to make Gracia’s (and Winry’s i guess) famous Apple Pie (with a little twist). 

~

Apple Surprise Pie
(serves: just eat the entire 9 inch pie you piece of trash you deserve it)

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Ingredients for Crust-

  • 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons sugar
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 2 sticks cold, unsalted butter, sliced into chunks and chilled
  • 1/4 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup (2 ounces) ice water, more as needed

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Ingredients for Fillings-

  • 2 Japanese Yams
  • 2 cups Tart Apples (approx 3)*
  • 2 Tbsp Sugar
  • 2 Tbsp Light Brown Sugar
  • 1/4 tsp ground cardammom
  • 1/4 tsp Ground Cinnamon
  • 1 Egg Yolk
  • 5 Tbsp Butter
  • 1/4 cup Heavy cream
  • 1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract

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Procedure for Crust-

  • Sacrifice your siblings body and some of your limbs to ensure a perfectly flaky crust. 
  • In a large bowl stir together the flours, sugar and salt to combine. Scatter the butter slices over the flour, and mix it in with your fingertips until the mixture looks hella crumbly and it looks more like dirt than flour in consistency.
  • Stir together the milk and ice water. Drizzle this mixture over the flour mixture gradually until the dough will hold together when you give it a squeeze, adding more ice water by the teaspoon directly to the dry bits as needed.
  • Wrap the dough in some saran wrap and chill until all the filling are ready.

-

Procedure for Bottom Potato filling-

  • Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Peel and cut the sweet potato into thin slices and layer them onto a grease baking sheet. Bake until soft, so like 10 minutes. 
  • Using a blender or a food processor, puree the soft potatoes, and then place the puree into a medium sized bowl. Mix in the egg yolk, 1 tablespoon of brown sugar, the regular sugar, the vanilla extract, 3 Tbsp butter, and the heavy cream. The batter should be thick. 
  • For the apples, core, peel and thinly slice the apples. Place them onto a pan and add the remaining butter, brown sugar, cinnamon and cardamom. Mix it for a minute or two, and then cover and let it sweat over a low heat for approximately 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, these lil nerds should be done.

~

Assembly-

  • Preheat the oven to 375 F.
  • Roll out the dough and fold it into itself before rolling it out again. You don’t want the dough to look crumbly and flaky, it should look like legit dough. 
  • Separate the dough into two portions, flatten one out and place it into your greased pie pan. Cut out any flapping out edge thingies and press down onto the crust so that it’s not loose.
  • Add a layer of the potato puree, enough so that it fills up like half the pie. Add the apples as a final filling layer, cover the potatoes entirely. 
  • With the second portion of dough, roll it out hella flat and give your pie an adorable lil weave thing. It’s pretty hard to do but if you suck at it, that’s totally a-ok, because I probably suck at it more lmao.
  • pinch on the edges so that none of the edges are loose, then, use another egg yolk and a splash of heavy cream and use a pastry brush to brush a coating of that over the pie.
  • Throw that nonsense into the oven for approximately 30 minutes, or until it’s hella browned and pretty. Take it out of the oven and let it cool for like an hour, then serve it with some ice cream and some  nostalgic weeb memories (aka all the fanfiction you wrote in middle school.)

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Damn. You just made some real special lookin apple pie friend. I hope you’re proud of yourself, because you just accomplished some really magical things today.

Enjoy your pie, try and block out the gross weeb memories from back in the day, and appreciate the perfection that is FMA and FMA:B. 

-

also sign up for this contest ahh

*zooooom* our Cooking Mama is on fire grabbing the opportunities left and right. We (your weebo children who used to be underfed/nourished) are so proud of you and no those aren't tears its the onions I'm chopping.
Anonymous

IM CRYING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WOW

CONGRATS ON THE JOB!!!!! you must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits becuse of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. -CHEF GUSTEAU
Anonymous

YOU ARE AN ANGEL

Oh my god I love you and your blog
Anonymous

ily more

Until I heard your voice, I read all of your recipes in Thug Nagisa's voice omg *pleaseknowwhati'mtalkingaboutohgeez*
Anonymous

YASSS OH MY GOD

THUG NAGISA IS BEST NAGISA

whispers whaddup sluts in the distance as i cry over the perfection that is thugisa

So wow. I guess this is my first non-anime tv show recipe on this blog. Someone requested a decent fried chicken recipe, like one with hella crispy skin.

And so this recipe is dedicated to the asshole who stole all the crispy skin from the family sized fried chicken bucket in that one South Park Episode: Eric Cartman.

Get psyched, nerds, cause y’all are about to learn one of the yummiest fried chicken recipes on the face of this fucking planet.

Try to eat the entire chicken, tho, and not just the skin.

~

Extra Crispy Southern Fried Chicken
Serves: 5 (or one if you’re a dickbag who eats everyone’s serving of chicken)

~

Ingredients for Marinade-

  • Chicken*
  • 4 cups buttermilk
  • 2 Tbsp mustard
  • 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
  • salt (as needed)

*You’ll need about 10 pieces, so you can either get some drums, wings and thighs separately, or you can get a whole chicken and cut it up into your 10 pieces. Either’s fine by me, yo.

-

Ingredients for Breading and Frying-

  • 4 cups of all purpose flour (add more if needed)
  • 2 Tbsp onion powder
  • 1 Tbsp oregano
  • salt and cayenne pepper (to taste)
  • 1 Tbsp baking powder
  • canola/vegetable/peanut oil (use one or more of those, enough so that it’d cover the entire chicken)

~

Procedure-

  • Mix the buttermilk, salt, cayenne pepper, and mustard in a large bowl. Take you chicken pieces and submerge them in the buttermilk. Once they’ve all been dipped, place the chicken and buttermilk in a bag and let it marinate for 4-8 hours.
  • Once that’s all done, take your oil and pour it into a medium sized sauce pan or a frying pan with taller sides. You want something that’ll be able to hold a lot of oil, and is tall enough for the chicken pieces to be covered entirely by the oil.
  • Let the oil heat up to 375 F (THIS STEP IS HELLA IMPORTANT THIS ENSURES THAT YOUR CHICKEN WILL NOT BE SOGGY AND GROSS AS BALLS). 
  • In the meantime, take the chicken out of the bag and let them rest on a huge ass plate. Take the flour, baking powder, oregano, onion powder, salt and pepper and mix that in a huge bowl. Once the oil reaches 375 F, coat the chicken in the flour mixture and, using tongs, drop those lil shits in the frying oil.
  • Don’t crowd the pan, once the chicken pieces have browned significantly and appear to be crispy, place them on a baking sheet. Repeat these steps until all the chicken have been fried. Then fry them again for about 1-2 minutes so they’re like, extra hella crispy. Just don’t burn them or whatever.
  • Serve this delicious gift from god with some mashed potatoes and embrace the obscene amount of calories you’re about to consume. Embrace your inner Cartman.

~

AIGHT WELL THAT’s THIS RECIPE. ENJOY YOUR GOD LIKE CHICKEN, FRIENDS. YOU DESERVE IT~

Once you’re done eating weeb food, check out this contest and like, try out for it and stuff. THERE’S PRIZES SO YEAH.

just got offered a job at Eataly’s nicest white cloth restaurant, Manzo.

so like im an actual cook now holy shit what

THE RABBIT RAGOUT IS READY AW YISS

So I haven’t watched Sword Art Online, yet, but I’m guessing it’s hella rad, mostly because I’m obsessed with one of their OP’s. Also I sort of feel more incentive to watch it now that I made this dish and it actually tastes like really good.

If anyone’s wondering where to get rabbit, I recommend d’artagnan. They have all sorts of fancy meats and things and it’s just a really awesome reliable place to get great organic stuff. 

You can also probs get rabbit at a local butcher, and I know they have some rabbit in Corrados as well.

If you really can’t find rabbit, use chicken instead. Why? Because Rabbit’s legit considered poultry, and it tastes sort of similar to chicken, so I think it’d be alright to use. Or lamb. Lamb would taste p good with this kind of stew.

So ye, enough about meat. Let’s write up this recipe.

~

Rabbit Ragout
(serves: like 5ish probs. Maybe 4)

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Ingredients-

  • 2 rabbits cut into 1-1.5 inch chunks
  • 1/4 cup of olive oil (plus 2 Tbsp)
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 1/4 cup dry red wine (I used a Cabernet Sauvignon)
  • 1 onion, finely chopped
  • 1 carrot, chopped into 1/2 in chunks
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2 Tbsp tomato paste
  • 4 rosemary sprigs*
  • 3 cups chicken stock*
  • 1 cup tomato passata
  • 1 cup pitted black olives, cut into thirds
  • 1/4 cup basil, chopped
  • 1/2 tsp corn starch

*keep these whole cause you’re gonna take em out later.

*I recommend making your own but if you can’t I guess it’s like…not the end of the world…ugh…(nah but foreal if you’re pressed for time it’s cool just use an organic, low sodium brand)

-

Procedure-

  • Aight, so first take a pan and throw 2 Tbsp of olive oil onto it. Then add your delicious rabbit chunks and brown them for about 10 minutes. Try not to think about the fact that you are going to be eating something that once looked sorta like this lmao
  • After it’s browned, remove them from the pan and place it on a plate. While the heat’s still on high, deglaze the pan with the wine, get all that gristle and fat off of there, and then once you’ve done that, remove the wine from the pan and place it in a cup.
  • After that, take a large-ish pot, and place your chopped and diced onion and carrot into the pot with the rest of the olive oil. Let that cook over medium heat until it’s translucent and soft, about 8 minutes.
  • Add the minced garlic and tomato paste and let that cook for another minute or so, then add the rabbit and the wine and the rosemary sprigs. Let that heat up until it starts simmering, then add two cups of chicken stock and put it on high heat until it starts to boil. 
  • Once it’s at a boil, partially cover the pot and put it onto medium low heat, let it sit for about 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, add the final cup of stock, the tomato passata, the olives, the basil, and salt and pepper to taste. Then let it sit on medium heat for another 15 minutes.
  • After 15 minutes is up, incorporate the corn starch into the stew and then let it sit for another 15-20 minutes on medium-low heat. Add more salt and pepper to taste if you like.
  • After that, remove it from the heat, take out the rosemary sprigs, and serve it with rice, mashed potatoes or a crusty bread roll, and some salad mixed with olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper.

~

How Sword Art Online-y do you feel rn? I feel soooo sword art online-y.SO YEAH THAT IS MY INTERPRETATION OF A RABBIT RAGOUT I HOPE Y’ALL ENJOY MAKING THIS DELICIOUS MASTERPIECE BECAUSE IT LEGIT TASTES HELLA GOOD AND I WILL PROBS BE MAKING THIS AGAIN OK?

OK. 

HAVE A RAD DAY, NERDS.

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also click here to read about my logo contest ayyy

oh my gosh could you do some kind of Scooby snacks recipe? like your own thing not those pre packaged graham cracker craps
Anonymous

i feel like my idea of a scooby snack might be illegal in some states and countries….